You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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