I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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