He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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