I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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