I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
