you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
