you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
