The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Who died my cat blue again?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
