He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
