Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
