Someone shit on the floor
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
