So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
