Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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