Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
