So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
