he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hippo gnu deer
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
