I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
