I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize