its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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