never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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