Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My feet surprised me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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