becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
