I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
