my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
