Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
