Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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