Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
