We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
