I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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