Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just want nice things and good sex
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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