And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
