dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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