Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
