I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
