I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
