i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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