eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
