Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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