It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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