mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
