I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
