i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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