another moral hangover. fuck.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
