i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
