Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
