Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
