Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
