my mouth tastes like poor choices
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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