Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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