Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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