I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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