dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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