Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
