idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
