cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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