my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
