worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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