ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
