You smell like stripper and shame
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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