porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
