He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
