Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
