"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
